Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Shoe Control NOW!

A few years back, we raised our collective eyebrows when the Shoe Bomber was apprehended onboard a plane, trying to light the fuse on his shoe bombs. (Oh - and we also started removing our collective shoes at the airport, so the Homeland Security Shoe Bomb Detection Experts could more easily distinguish between standard shoes, and bomb shoes.)

But now - shoe missiles have emerged! It always starts in the powder-keg Middle East, but quickly spreads across the globe. Sure - we all can laugh when a Lame Duck President is the target (and deftly ducks)... but tomorrow the target of a crazed shoe terrorist might be your neighbor... or your child!!

Something must be done! The time for talk is over!


You can expect the powerful D.C. Shoe Lobby to resist.

You will notice that almost all 435 members of Congress wear shoes (with the possible exception of the distinguished gentlemen from Mississippi and Arkansas). They've sold out to Big Shoe.

But some common-sense laws must be passed, to keep dangerous shoes out of the hands of, and off the feet of, criminals.

A good start might be:
- Ban shoes in public schools and other public places (National Parks, maybe?)
- Nationwide shoe registration.
- Close the shoe-show loop. (Many shoe criminals confess that they got their shoes at shoe shows.)
- Perhaps a ban on sinister-looking black shoes. There is no legitimate use for high-capacity black shoes in our society, when benign brown shoes will adequately do the same job.

We can expect resistance, both from the NSA (National Shoe Association) and common ordinary ignorant rednecks... the ones with bumper sticker slogans like:
"The West wasn't won with registered boots."
"You can have my shoes when you pry them off my cold, dead toes."
"This Pickup Protected by Buster Brown."
But our fight is right! We must prevail!

Last of all - do NOT give your children shoes for Christmas! What a negative message that would send!

Wild-eyed Iraqi housewife displays the Shoe-Scud.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I agree, kids should not wear shoes to school! Only soft slippers so when they DO THROW them, and you know they going to chuck them all over the classroom, the collison will be much softer!

From the Duckiest guy you know!

Carry on...