Help Larry Fight Back!

The Esteemed Gentleman from Idaho, Senator Larry Craig, has had his reputation besmirched by publicity-hungry cops at the Minneapolis Airport, that homophobic Dan Popkey guy, and by a string of homosexuals, going back 20 or 30 years.

Larry Craig is not gay! Fer cryin' out loud! He's from Midvale, Idaho! A guy from Midvale likes huntin', and fishin', and cuttin' down big trees! Larry drives a pick-up truck... not a Mazda Miata! Gays come from places like San Francisco and Miami!

It's time to help Larry right the wrong!

If you live in Idaho or Washington, D.C., or if you visit mens' restrooms in airports in between, PLEASE help us put up these informative posters, to set the record straight.

(Click HERE to download the PDF poster.)

PRINT IT OFF! PUT IT UP! DO IT FOR AMERICA!

Agreement

Us Idaho folks are an independent lot. We rarely agree on anything. Especially when it comes to stuff like politics and religion... we bicker like schoolyard kids.

So, a recent development is especially refreshing.

The Republicans don't like Hillary. (For those of you who don't follow politics too closely, that's Mrs. Bill Clinton. Remember Bubba?)

I've heard it said she's a "polarizing" figure... love her or hate her.

Personally, I feel she might be a charming, nice person in a one-on-one setting. I've not seen any evidence of that, but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. If offered a chance to go to lunch with her - even at Bubba's favorite place, McDonald's - I'd politely decline. I KNOW I don't care for her politics.

But, I digress... back to the refreshing development.

Apparently Idaho's Democrats don't like Hillary, either.

In yesterday's Democratic Caucus, Obama got 80% of the votes; Hillary got 17%.

I've got renewed respect for Idaho's Democrats! (That, plus my disdain for Idaho Republicans in general, makes me solidly independent, I s'pose. But I agree with ALL of them on Hillary!)

Hillary, watching the Idaho Caucus results coming in...

The Perfect Valentine's Day Gift

There's an outfit called the International Star Registry (website here) that runs ads on the radio. They tell you that for $54 or so, they'll name a star after you or whoever.

That's all fine and dandy... but they don't tell you a couple details:
1) Nobody recognizes their names, except for you and them, and
2) Real astronomers have already named pretty much every star you can see.

Well, I've got a BETTER option!

Introducing...
INTERGALACTIC STAR REGISTRY!

For $44 (less than the other guys), I will name a star after whoever you want me to. But it won't be some obscure, lame star in the Milky Way.

We're starting with M31 - the Andromeda Galaxy. It's about 200,000 light years away, and invisible to the naked eye. But, believe me, it's an AWESOME galaxy!

And check it out - only two stars have been named so far. If you hurry, you could get that blue one, in the upper right-hand corner. Or, for $100, we'll name that really bright part, right in the middle, after YOUR loved one! You'll even get a certificate saying so!

Don't delay - if somebody else gets here first, you'd hate to spend the rest of your life kicking yourself, huh?

Satellite Panic!

Just in case you've been in your Tora-Bora cave for the last few weeks, or hibernating... I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we're doomed! In a month or so, a satellite will crash back to the Earth's surface. Be afraid. Be very afraid! I know I am...

According to an online article, it's a spy satellite known only as "US 193." "It was launched in December 2006 but almost immediately lost power and cannot be controlled. It carried a sophisticated and secret imaging sensor but the satellite's central computer failed shortly after launch."

It's pretty big - and could hit North America in late February or early March!

Oh, the humanity!

Since I don't know much about satellites and stuff, I thought I'd get some advice from an "insider." My friend - my rocket-scientist friend - works for an aerospace company in the Bay Area. He does "sensitive" satellite-guidance stuff; that's all I know. (Besides, if I told you more, he'd have to kill me.) I'll call him "Billy."

I sent an email to "Billy":

Hi, Billy.

Is "US 193," the satellite that will hurtle back to earth in a month or so, one of YOUR babies?

Let me tell you this, my friend. I just did some work on my furnace and it is working perfectly! So if your satellite hits my house, I'm gonna be PLENTY ticked-off!!!

Since you're an expert, I'm asking... should I buy the supplemental satellite-collision insurance rider for my homeowners?

(If it crashes into my house, OR if it crashes at the park across the street and I'm the first one to get to it... eBay!!!)


He sent me this reply; I share it with you for the good of mankind:

Hi (name withheld)!

I know "US 193," but I can not talk about "US 193". They are predicting impact in North America. As time gets closer, they will be able to better predict re-entry. This far out, time wise, it is tough to model. It is large enough that some parts will make it to the ground.

Here is what you will need to do. For the next month, you and your family should be wearing hard-hats 24/7. Please remove all seat cushions from your couch and pillows from your beds. Attach these to the top of your automobiles. While riding your bike, do not listen to your Ipod. You need to listen for the whistle of 'incoming' objects.

As far as your house goes... it will be like shooting out your light switch with a .44mag (as you have done) times 100. Good luck with that insurance rider. That furnance will come in handy in heating your home with no roof.

The parts would fetch a good price on eBay....just don't sell them to foreign nationals. That would violate ITAR regulations!

I hope I was able to help you with your satellite survival guide ... keep watch on the sky.


I wrote back:

If I recover it, maybe I'll just hang onto it.

Could you Xerox me a copy of the repair manual? And are the parts available at Radio Shack?


"Billy" replied:

Radio Shack??? We get our parts from the electronic flea market in downtown Sunnyvale.

On a serious side note, a vendor of ours maintains some special test equipment that I need to test a box I am responsible for. The harddrive controller went bad and the only replacement that would work was a controller taken out of an Atari purchased at a pawn shop for $30. Now that is pure rocket science and should give you every confidence in our space program. Do you have the pillows on your car yet?


I wrote back:

That's pretty good! Any computer-type engineer worth his salt has to have a little "hacker" in his blood.

I'm still working on my tinfoil hat! (Don't want to get "radiated," you know.) When I get done with that, duct-tape and sofa cushions!!

Yeah, I'm worried. But at least this is a distraction from doing my income taxes. I'm gonna wait 'til after the satellite hits ground; if it lands on me, FORGET THE FORM 1040 THIS YEAR!

Baby Mac

My granddaughter, Mackenzie, is 1 year old today.


(Photo was taken on Thanksgiving Day.)

I can hardly wait 'til tomorrow, because she gets cuter every day!

(Click on the photo for a larger size - printable, and suitable for framing!)
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"Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays"

It's become a holiday tradition. Every year it surfaces - the outrage when either greeting is chosen.

The "separation of church and state" crowd reacts indignantly when "Merry Christmas" is used. How offensive! How insensitive to the non-Christians in our society!

And the "Christmas celebration purists" are outraged when people, fearing the indignant reaction of the separation faction, choose to use "Happy Holidays" instead.

I s'pose everybody needs something to get all worked up over. In the immortal words of 20th-century statesman and philosopher Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?"

Let's study for a moment, these sources of such offense, and the people who get so offended.

First we've got the Church/State Gatekeepers. They, of course are the ones who make sure we're all protected from offensive manger scenes on public property, singing of Christmas carols in our public schools, etc. I even heard that Santa Claus was banned from one school district this year. After all, argued a patron of the district, Santa is "Saint Nick," and therefore might conjure up offensive religious sentiments.

Can Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph be far behind?

But - how about the other side in this divisive issue?

You put up your decorations - and they by-golly have to be superior to the Joneses, up the street. You don't want people to think they are more religious than you are!

You gather the wish-lists from your people - at least, the cooperative ones.

My bride is not cooperative. She said she just wants "peace in all the earth." Yeah, right! Who would want something like that for Christmas?!!

Then you endure the nonstop barrage of "Christmas" oriented TV commercials, newspaper advertising, etc., etc.

Disgusting! Christmas, indeed! Surely "Happy Holidays" is much more appropriate, since associating any of the merchandising with the birth of Christ is a huge stretch... no?

(My least favorite are the jewelry ads with the little "Christmas morning dramas" depicting clever ways of giving jewelry, and how speechlessly delighted the Missus will be when she is presented with the spendy little box.)

Then you go to the Wal-Mart (or to the Mall at 1am on "Black Friday" morning), and spend a couple hours getting jostled by frenzied shoppers, discovering the stuff you wanted is already sold out, and standing in long checkout lines.

At this point, you're really filled with that "peace on earth, good will toward men" spirit, right? And then a bedreggled clerk bursts the bubble by saying, "Happy holidays," instead of the requisite "Merry Christmas." And that is what ruins it for you? Oh, the humanity!

From an historical standpoint, "Happy Holidays" is probably more accurate. After all, there were various pagan holidays long before calendars, coinciding with the Winter Solstice. Even the most skeptical scientific mind recognizes that the days start getting longer following the Winter Solstice, promising a season of warming and renewal. The Christians decided to celebrate their most significant holiday in conjunction with everybody else's big day.

And besides, NOWHERE in scripture does it say that Jesus was born on December 25th. In fact, Jesus was born in April. That's the time of year when you could've found shepherds keeping their flocks in the fields - not mid-winter. And besides... Joseph went to Bethlehem to be taxed, and everybody knows that Tax Day is April 15th!
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So - are you a "Merry Christmas" person, or a "Happy Holidays" person, or both?

There are interesting ways of dealing with the conflicting emotions and sentiments of the season.

Some folks try to ignore the whole thing.

The classic example is Frank Costanza, the genius behind the "Festivus" celebration.

In case you're not a Seinfeld fan, Festivus is the holiday "for the rest of us." Festivus is celebrated as follows:
1) Putting up the Festivus Pole. (It's a plain brushed aluminum tube, maybe 2 inches in diameter. No decorating!)
2) The Airing of Grievances
3) Feats of Strength

No fuss, no muss!

(Much more about Festivus, including greeting cards and an "Airing of Grievances Worksheet," can be found here. And Festivus was actually conceived by Dan O'Keefe, whose son was a writer on "Seinfeld," and incorporated it into that immortal script. More info here.)

Others try to meld "Happy Holidays" with "Merry Christmas."

Several years back, an acquaintance of ours found a little graven image of Santa, kneeling at the manger in which lay the baby Jesus. She was enthralled. She said, "Now, this is what Christmas is really all about!"



Yep - Santa visiting baby Jesus is one of my favorite New Testament stories, too! But I always get confused. I know the shepherds arrived first. But who was next, the Wise Men or Santa? (It's not in the most well-known telling, by Luke. But it must be in there someplace, huh?)

Here's what works for me. I try to detach my "Happy Holidays" from my "Merry Christmas" and enjoy them both separately, and not get offended when somebody else is trying to share theirs with me.

The "Happy Holidays" is the decorations, the tree, the holiday singing, the delicious treats, the party attire, the gift giving and getting. (I decorated by bike for Happy Holidays again this year - click here.) Nothing wrong with ANY of that, as long as you don't get carried away, and have to spend a year or more digging out of debt.

The "Christmas" is that simple but profound story of the Savior of Mankind, who was born into such humble circumstances in Bethlehem of Judea.

(I happened across this Christmas decoration, as I was bicycling a couple days back. It's a snow-covered bench along the Greenbelt, with a message someone had scrawled in the snow. Somehow, I thought it quite fitting for a Christmas celebration, as opposed to Happy Holidays. And nobody will have to put it away and store it for next year.)


(Click on the photo for a larger view.)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Boise City Elections - Who to Vote For

Vote for the candidates who have your confidence... those who will work to make our city what YOU want it to be.

I'll tell you who I'm voting for, and why.

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MAYOR - Jim Tibbs

I once heard Jim Tibbs describe a philosophy held by the Native Americans - that decisions should be based on how they will affect people seven generations from now.

I wish he'd talk about that more. It's that kind of thoughtfulness that we need in our local leaders, who shape the future of our community.

Dave Bieter, like me, is a "native son." I voted for him four years ago. He gave me confidence that he would have the old-timer's perspective as he operated the mayor's office. That he would be very protective of what little "small town" feel this city still had. (And is quickly dwindling away, in this observer's opinion.)

Frankly, I've been very disappointed.

Does Boise have a "master plan"? You wouldn't think so, based on how a lot of the business is conducted. It seems like there's a revolving door for the developers to get their variances and permits and get to buildin'!

Granted - the mayor's influence is limited. But he should have a lot more influence than I do, and I have seen nothing - or at least very little - to suggest that Bieter's "vision" for Boise is similar to my own.

Is your vision of the perfect community one of sprawling growth? L.A. Junior? Some like to use the word "vibrancy." Unfortunately, every year that passes, Boise is a little less like the community I grew up in, and loved.

Perhaps a more fair and valid question is - is Boise a better place now, than it was four years ago when Bieter got the mayor gig? I can't think of one thing that I like better about Boise now, than four years ago. I can think of lots of things that seem to have gotten worse.

Maybe growth is inevitable. (I've got mixed emotions about development. On the one hand... property owners should be able to maximize the potential of their property. But on the other hand... there's no denying that there is "spill-over" from thousands of new houses, that affects every one of us. More traffic and pollution. More crime. More graffiti and vandalism. More demand for limited natural resources - power, water, etc. Because of that, we all should have a voice in how much growth there is, and what kind of growth. Is the current mayor your best "voice"?)

Jim Tibbs doesn't give me total confidence, unfortunately. He got an endorsement from the Building Contractors of Idaho. I doubt they envision his putting his thumb down on growth. But I've known Jim for 15 years - he's my neighbor. And I've always gotten the impression that he's thoughtful, and approachable, and doesn't think he has all the answers. He's also lived in Boise for 50 years, so he has that "old timer" perspective - I hope he wins, and that he decides things based on how those decisions will affect people seven generations from now. (If he wins, and nothing changes, and Boise has 20,000 more voters come 2011, I'll likely be voting for somebody else in 4 years!)

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COUNCILMAN - Steve Kimball

He's running against Alan Shealy. That's reason enough for me to vote for Kimball.

(Yeah - I know a vote against somebody isn't as good as a vote for somebody. But that's kinda the way it is this time around.)

One could argue that Shealy has some impressive credentials. Accoring to the City website, he graduated from both Harvard and Oxford! He also touts the fact that he's a former Olympic rowing champion.

A glowing endorsement letter in the Statesman says he "... adds a global perspective to the council's consideration of Boise's present and future."

For me, that's the problem! I'd much rather benefit from the perspective of somebody who's lived in Boise for 40 years, and knows what it was like in 1960, than somebody who moved here about the time Hillary moved to New York. Or somebody who's "global perspective" is that Boise is fabulous... since it's not as bad as St. Petersburg, or Milan, or Newark!

Kimball is a largely-unproven entity. He's been a candidate for several positions, but isn't running with a track record. He's lived in Boise for 57 years, and seems to have the old-timer, taxpayer perspective (I hope!)

I get the impression Shealy thinks he's God's gift to our backward little burg, and he knows best, so if you disagree you better just shut up! If you're as convinced as Shealy is that he's a genius, by all means vote for him! I'll vote for the other guy.

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I don't feel strongly enough about any of the other contests to voice an opinion... vote for who's best.

The Boise Weekly newspaper had the best candidate profile I've seen... since the words are those of the candidates themselves. Click here to link to it.

Whatever else you do on November 6, VOTE! They are predicting there will be historic-low turnout... so every vote will count. If you don't vote, you have no right to join me in whining about how bad things are!!!
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