Satellite Panic!

Just in case you've been in your Tora-Bora cave for the last few weeks, or hibernating... I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we're doomed! In a month or so, a satellite will crash back to the Earth's surface. Be afraid. Be very afraid! I know I am...

According to an online article, it's a spy satellite known only as "US 193." "It was launched in December 2006 but almost immediately lost power and cannot be controlled. It carried a sophisticated and secret imaging sensor but the satellite's central computer failed shortly after launch."

It's pretty big - and could hit North America in late February or early March!

Oh, the humanity!

Since I don't know much about satellites and stuff, I thought I'd get some advice from an "insider." My friend - my rocket-scientist friend - works for an aerospace company in the Bay Area. He does "sensitive" satellite-guidance stuff; that's all I know. (Besides, if I told you more, he'd have to kill me.) I'll call him "Billy."

I sent an email to "Billy":

Hi, Billy.

Is "US 193," the satellite that will hurtle back to earth in a month or so, one of YOUR babies?

Let me tell you this, my friend. I just did some work on my furnace and it is working perfectly! So if your satellite hits my house, I'm gonna be PLENTY ticked-off!!!

Since you're an expert, I'm asking... should I buy the supplemental satellite-collision insurance rider for my homeowners?

(If it crashes into my house, OR if it crashes at the park across the street and I'm the first one to get to it... eBay!!!)


He sent me this reply; I share it with you for the good of mankind:

Hi (name withheld)!

I know "US 193," but I can not talk about "US 193". They are predicting impact in North America. As time gets closer, they will be able to better predict re-entry. This far out, time wise, it is tough to model. It is large enough that some parts will make it to the ground.

Here is what you will need to do. For the next month, you and your family should be wearing hard-hats 24/7. Please remove all seat cushions from your couch and pillows from your beds. Attach these to the top of your automobiles. While riding your bike, do not listen to your Ipod. You need to listen for the whistle of 'incoming' objects.

As far as your house goes... it will be like shooting out your light switch with a .44mag (as you have done) times 100. Good luck with that insurance rider. That furnance will come in handy in heating your home with no roof.

The parts would fetch a good price on eBay....just don't sell them to foreign nationals. That would violate ITAR regulations!

I hope I was able to help you with your satellite survival guide ... keep watch on the sky.


I wrote back:

If I recover it, maybe I'll just hang onto it.

Could you Xerox me a copy of the repair manual? And are the parts available at Radio Shack?


"Billy" replied:

Radio Shack??? We get our parts from the electronic flea market in downtown Sunnyvale.

On a serious side note, a vendor of ours maintains some special test equipment that I need to test a box I am responsible for. The harddrive controller went bad and the only replacement that would work was a controller taken out of an Atari purchased at a pawn shop for $30. Now that is pure rocket science and should give you every confidence in our space program. Do you have the pillows on your car yet?


I wrote back:

That's pretty good! Any computer-type engineer worth his salt has to have a little "hacker" in his blood.

I'm still working on my tinfoil hat! (Don't want to get "radiated," you know.) When I get done with that, duct-tape and sofa cushions!!

Yeah, I'm worried. But at least this is a distraction from doing my income taxes. I'm gonna wait 'til after the satellite hits ground; if it lands on me, FORGET THE FORM 1040 THIS YEAR!

Baby Mac

My granddaughter, Mackenzie, is 1 year old today.


(Photo was taken on Thanksgiving Day.)

I can hardly wait 'til tomorrow, because she gets cuter every day!

(Click on the photo for a larger size - printable, and suitable for framing!)
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"Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays"

It's become a holiday tradition. Every year it surfaces - the outrage when either greeting is chosen.

The "separation of church and state" crowd reacts indignantly when "Merry Christmas" is used. How offensive! How insensitive to the non-Christians in our society!

And the "Christmas celebration purists" are outraged when people, fearing the indignant reaction of the separation faction, choose to use "Happy Holidays" instead.

I s'pose everybody needs something to get all worked up over. In the immortal words of 20th-century statesman and philosopher Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?"

Let's study for a moment, these sources of such offense, and the people who get so offended.

First we've got the Church/State Gatekeepers. They, of course are the ones who make sure we're all protected from offensive manger scenes on public property, singing of Christmas carols in our public schools, etc. I even heard that Santa Claus was banned from one school district this year. After all, argued a patron of the district, Santa is "Saint Nick," and therefore might conjure up offensive religious sentiments.

Can Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph be far behind?

But - how about the other side in this divisive issue?

You put up your decorations - and they by-golly have to be superior to the Joneses, up the street. You don't want people to think they are more religious than you are!

You gather the wish-lists from your people - at least, the cooperative ones.

My bride is not cooperative. She said she just wants "peace in all the earth." Yeah, right! Who would want something like that for Christmas?!!

Then you endure the nonstop barrage of "Christmas" oriented TV commercials, newspaper advertising, etc., etc.

Disgusting! Christmas, indeed! Surely "Happy Holidays" is much more appropriate, since associating any of the merchandising with the birth of Christ is a huge stretch... no?

(My least favorite are the jewelry ads with the little "Christmas morning dramas" depicting clever ways of giving jewelry, and how speechlessly delighted the Missus will be when she is presented with the spendy little box.)

Then you go to the Wal-Mart (or to the Mall at 1am on "Black Friday" morning), and spend a couple hours getting jostled by frenzied shoppers, discovering the stuff you wanted is already sold out, and standing in long checkout lines.

At this point, you're really filled with that "peace on earth, good will toward men" spirit, right? And then a bedreggled clerk bursts the bubble by saying, "Happy holidays," instead of the requisite "Merry Christmas." And that is what ruins it for you? Oh, the humanity!

From an historical standpoint, "Happy Holidays" is probably more accurate. After all, there were various pagan holidays long before calendars, coinciding with the Winter Solstice. Even the most skeptical scientific mind recognizes that the days start getting longer following the Winter Solstice, promising a season of warming and renewal. The Christians decided to celebrate their most significant holiday in conjunction with everybody else's big day.

And besides, NOWHERE in scripture does it say that Jesus was born on December 25th. In fact, Jesus was born in April. That's the time of year when you could've found shepherds keeping their flocks in the fields - not mid-winter. And besides... Joseph went to Bethlehem to be taxed, and everybody knows that Tax Day is April 15th!
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So - are you a "Merry Christmas" person, or a "Happy Holidays" person, or both?

There are interesting ways of dealing with the conflicting emotions and sentiments of the season.

Some folks try to ignore the whole thing.

The classic example is Frank Costanza, the genius behind the "Festivus" celebration.

In case you're not a Seinfeld fan, Festivus is the holiday "for the rest of us." Festivus is celebrated as follows:
1) Putting up the Festivus Pole. (It's a plain brushed aluminum tube, maybe 2 inches in diameter. No decorating!)
2) The Airing of Grievances
3) Feats of Strength

No fuss, no muss!

(Much more about Festivus, including greeting cards and an "Airing of Grievances Worksheet," can be found here. And Festivus was actually conceived by Dan O'Keefe, whose son was a writer on "Seinfeld," and incorporated it into that immortal script. More info here.)

Others try to meld "Happy Holidays" with "Merry Christmas."

Several years back, an acquaintance of ours found a little graven image of Santa, kneeling at the manger in which lay the baby Jesus. She was enthralled. She said, "Now, this is what Christmas is really all about!"



Yep - Santa visiting baby Jesus is one of my favorite New Testament stories, too! But I always get confused. I know the shepherds arrived first. But who was next, the Wise Men or Santa? (It's not in the most well-known telling, by Luke. But it must be in there someplace, huh?)

Here's what works for me. I try to detach my "Happy Holidays" from my "Merry Christmas" and enjoy them both separately, and not get offended when somebody else is trying to share theirs with me.

The "Happy Holidays" is the decorations, the tree, the holiday singing, the delicious treats, the party attire, the gift giving and getting. (I decorated by bike for Happy Holidays again this year - click here.) Nothing wrong with ANY of that, as long as you don't get carried away, and have to spend a year or more digging out of debt.

The "Christmas" is that simple but profound story of the Savior of Mankind, who was born into such humble circumstances in Bethlehem of Judea.

(I happened across this Christmas decoration, as I was bicycling a couple days back. It's a snow-covered bench along the Greenbelt, with a message someone had scrawled in the snow. Somehow, I thought it quite fitting for a Christmas celebration, as opposed to Happy Holidays. And nobody will have to put it away and store it for next year.)


(Click on the photo for a larger view.)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE! AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Boise City Elections - Who to Vote For

Vote for the candidates who have your confidence... those who will work to make our city what YOU want it to be.

I'll tell you who I'm voting for, and why.

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MAYOR - Jim Tibbs

I once heard Jim Tibbs describe a philosophy held by the Native Americans - that decisions should be based on how they will affect people seven generations from now.

I wish he'd talk about that more. It's that kind of thoughtfulness that we need in our local leaders, who shape the future of our community.

Dave Bieter, like me, is a "native son." I voted for him four years ago. He gave me confidence that he would have the old-timer's perspective as he operated the mayor's office. That he would be very protective of what little "small town" feel this city still had. (And is quickly dwindling away, in this observer's opinion.)

Frankly, I've been very disappointed.

Does Boise have a "master plan"? You wouldn't think so, based on how a lot of the business is conducted. It seems like there's a revolving door for the developers to get their variances and permits and get to buildin'!

Granted - the mayor's influence is limited. But he should have a lot more influence than I do, and I have seen nothing - or at least very little - to suggest that Bieter's "vision" for Boise is similar to my own.

Is your vision of the perfect community one of sprawling growth? L.A. Junior? Some like to use the word "vibrancy." Unfortunately, every year that passes, Boise is a little less like the community I grew up in, and loved.

Perhaps a more fair and valid question is - is Boise a better place now, than it was four years ago when Bieter got the mayor gig? I can't think of one thing that I like better about Boise now, than four years ago. I can think of lots of things that seem to have gotten worse.

Maybe growth is inevitable. (I've got mixed emotions about development. On the one hand... property owners should be able to maximize the potential of their property. But on the other hand... there's no denying that there is "spill-over" from thousands of new houses, that affects every one of us. More traffic and pollution. More crime. More graffiti and vandalism. More demand for limited natural resources - power, water, etc. Because of that, we all should have a voice in how much growth there is, and what kind of growth. Is the current mayor your best "voice"?)

Jim Tibbs doesn't give me total confidence, unfortunately. He got an endorsement from the Building Contractors of Idaho. I doubt they envision his putting his thumb down on growth. But I've known Jim for 15 years - he's my neighbor. And I've always gotten the impression that he's thoughtful, and approachable, and doesn't think he has all the answers. He's also lived in Boise for 50 years, so he has that "old timer" perspective - I hope he wins, and that he decides things based on how those decisions will affect people seven generations from now. (If he wins, and nothing changes, and Boise has 20,000 more voters come 2011, I'll likely be voting for somebody else in 4 years!)

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COUNCILMAN - Steve Kimball

He's running against Alan Shealy. That's reason enough for me to vote for Kimball.

(Yeah - I know a vote against somebody isn't as good as a vote for somebody. But that's kinda the way it is this time around.)

One could argue that Shealy has some impressive credentials. Accoring to the City website, he graduated from both Harvard and Oxford! He also touts the fact that he's a former Olympic rowing champion.

A glowing endorsement letter in the Statesman says he "... adds a global perspective to the council's consideration of Boise's present and future."

For me, that's the problem! I'd much rather benefit from the perspective of somebody who's lived in Boise for 40 years, and knows what it was like in 1960, than somebody who moved here about the time Hillary moved to New York. Or somebody who's "global perspective" is that Boise is fabulous... since it's not as bad as St. Petersburg, or Milan, or Newark!

Kimball is a largely-unproven entity. He's been a candidate for several positions, but isn't running with a track record. He's lived in Boise for 57 years, and seems to have the old-timer, taxpayer perspective (I hope!)

I get the impression Shealy thinks he's God's gift to our backward little burg, and he knows best, so if you disagree you better just shut up! If you're as convinced as Shealy is that he's a genius, by all means vote for him! I'll vote for the other guy.

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I don't feel strongly enough about any of the other contests to voice an opinion... vote for who's best.

The Boise Weekly newspaper had the best candidate profile I've seen... since the words are those of the candidates themselves. Click here to link to it.

Whatever else you do on November 6, VOTE! They are predicting there will be historic-low turnout... so every vote will count. If you don't vote, you have no right to join me in whining about how bad things are!!!
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Target Audience

I doubt I'm in any TV-commercial target demographic groups. I can't remember the last time I bought something because I saw it on TV.

But lots of folks obviously do. In fact, if you go into a discount store, you can usually find - in the "cheap crap aisle" - a bunch of stuff with "As Seen on TV!" emblazoned across the packaging. As if that's a reason why you should buy it.

I'm probably too analytical when I'm watching the commercials. Usually I'm trying to figure out who they're aimed at.

There are a lot of disgusting commercials that are aimed at moms. Using "mom-guilt" as a selling tool.

If you don't make sure your kids eat lots of cheese and yogurt, you're not a very good mom.

Or Sunny-D. I'm not sure if Sunny-D is a fruit-flavored drink, or a formerly-fruit-flavored drink, or what. I can remember a few years back when there was a Sunny-D spill at the Sunny-D factory, and it killed a bunch of fish.

There's a cough syrup that calls itself "The Medicine of Motherhood." What kind of neglectful mom would not want to give her kids that stuff, by the spoons-ful?

My wife wants to buy all the new housekeeping gizmos she sees on TV... little mops that have custom-sized (buy refills!) cleaning surfaces, dusters that need refill cartridges, etc. What a racket! (I don't deny that housekeeping is hard work, and it's wonderful to have the best tools... I just question whether the "buy refills regularly!" tools do any better job than a traditional mop or rag.)

I just saw a commercial for cat litter that changes color when it's stinky. "If your cat litter doesn't change color, change cat litter!" is the clever tag-line. If you can't tell it's stinky without seeing what color it is... maybe it's not very stinky!

I have some ongoing befuddlement with the greasy fast-food fried chicken chain place. Several years ago, they adopted "Sweet Home Alabama" as the theme song for their chicken. And yet the chicken has "Kentucky" in the brand name.

Kentucky and Alabama aren't even adjacent states! Tennesee is squeezed in there.

Are there no decent songs about Kentucky? Was Colonel Sanders a huge Lynyrd Skynyrd fan? (I guess "Free Bird" wouldn't be a good theme song for "fried" chicken, huh?)

(Actually, there was an excellent song about Kentucky. I can remember as a child... we'd get box lunches of that same brand of chicken, and the boxes had Stephen Foster's awesome "My Old Kentucky Home" - lyrics AND music - printed on the end of the box. Perhaps too many people were offended; at one time, the lyrics were, "'Tis summer, the darkies are gay.")

The car and truck commercials are the most annoying - at least to me. They are MUCH more about the image of the drivers/passengers, than about the features the car or truck might have, or the real-life driving experience that will almost certainly be yours.

All trucks are super testosterone-macho. And by driving 'em, you, too, can be as macho as those hardhat wearing construction / farmer / cowboy / working-man types. Even if you're Clay Aiken with a handbag.

And all cars are driven by enthusiasts who relish the power, luxury, and performance of that particular model of car. All cars are driven right past gas stations, on roads that are totally devoid of other cars. ("Closed course - don't try this at home.") Of course, in real life, those cars will convene with the hunks-o-junk and broken-down sleds in the same traffic jams.

Okay... I've vented.

The True Story of Heidi, Idaho

About a mile downstream from Banks, Idaho, on the Payette River is a spot with picnic tables and a beautiful little sandy beach. Although the sign doesn't say so, it's called Heidi, Idaho... and has been since the early '60s.





Dad loved to fish. But even more, he loved to be with his family.

As did Mom. I don't know about the fishing part... far as I know, she has never stepped foot in Cabela's, or had a fishing license. But she loved to spend time with her kids. Still does.

(I wasn't much of a fisherman, either. I tried a few times, but didn't have the patience for it. If a fish didn't bite my hook RIGHT NOW, I quickly lost interest. I preferred roaming up and down the shore, looking for discarded fish... so I could flip 'em over and look for creepy crawly maggots. Yeah... I was a sick kid. Still am.)

A favorite family outing involved driving in the forest and fishing in a beautiful lake or river.

Although Dad loved to fish, he didn't get much fishing in on these trips. He spent most of his time baiting hooks, clearing snags, untangling lines, rejoicing in the occasional kid-fish caught.

Mom was his assistant.

As I think back, I don't know if Mom EVER fished.

In the early 60s, Mom had six kids... at one point she had six kids aged seven or under. (And none of 'em twins. Think about that.) I was the oldest of the six; Heidi was the youngest.

At the time Heidi, Idaho got its name, I was eight pushing nine; Heidi was 1 1/2.

The day was a perfect spring day; we'd been on our forest drive in the old Plymouth station wagon (three seats - the rearmost seat faced backwards), and were headed back toward Boise, when that beach and that bend in the river beckoned in the mid-to-late afternoon.

We scrambled down to the beach and took our places. As I recall, we were the only ones there; it may be that it was still relatively early in the spring. But I also recall that it was a nice day.

As it was in the springtime; the water was running high and swift from the snow-melt. But we all knew to respect the river, and keep our distance.

Dad was making his rounds up and down the line, baiting hooks, helping the young'uns with their casting, untangling lines, etc. Mom was helping, and trying to keep inventory on her beloved babies.

As she made a head-count, she came up one short. And quickly determined Heidi - the baby - was missing. About the same time... here comes a tiny baby, a couple feet out in that swift-flowing river, floating face-down, drifting away from shore. HEIDI!!!

Dad started pulling off his shoes, removing his wallet, keys, etc., to effect a rescue.

He never got a chance.

Mom didn't have time for those formalities... she immediately waded out into the stream and plucked her tiny child by the arm, pulling her back to shore.

Heidi obviously hadn't been in the water long... she was gasping for breath, but mostly because of the coldness of that melted-snow water. A little wrapped-in-the-blanket time, and a new set of clothes, and she was good as new. We all felt grateful that she had gone in upstream, rather than downstream. Eight of us had left on the family outing... and eight returned home that evening. Mom was our hero. (Dad and Mom were always our heroes, but Mom shone particularly brightly on that day.)

Before we even got into the car and headed home, that beautiful little spot was named Heidi, Idaho.

It's got a nice ring to it.

(Click on either photo for larger viewing options. They were snapped on 21 Sept., 2007)

UPDATE: In my quest to make this story as "true" as possible, I'm adding some clarifications and corrections that my mother has supplied after reading it. (She was a little older than me at the time, and is qualified to make these corrections.)

- We had stopped for a family picnic, and all family members were gathered at the picnic tables up above the beach (minus Heidi... who was drawn to the beautiful water).

- Mom had to run down to the beach from the picnic area, and then swim out into the river to get to Heidi.

- Dad explained his hesitation later. He was mentally reviewing his Boy Scout rescue training... trying to remember if it's better to take shoes off or leave them on... wondering if he could throw his belt for Heidi to grab onto, etc. (Yeah... I can believe that.)

- Following her heroic and successful rescue, the rest of us wanted to eat our picnic, so we ate while Mom sat and shivered. (There was a change of clothes for Heidi, but none for Mom. Funny that she would remember that little "detail" better than me...)

Does religion create misery?

There was a letter in the Idaho Statesman yesterday (September 11, 2007), that I feel compelled to respond to, even though the author of the letter will likely never see my response.

Here's the letter:

So much misery is the result of religion

Today, Sept. 11, marks the anniversary of one of the most perfidious attacks on American citizens.

This was the infamous 1857 Mountain Meadows Massacre, which has been described by historians as the worst Indian massacre in American history — except that it wasn't committed by Indians, it was committed by ordinary Euro-Americans in a frenzy of religious madness working under the orders of a deluded, self-styled man of faith.

Fast forward 144 years to 2001 and once again innocent Americans were murdered by religiously inspired zealots working under the orders of a deluded, self-styled man of faith.

How can so much misery be the result of religion?

First, one must realize that all religions require their adherents to turn off their minds. This makes them more easily susceptible to control by their power-hungry clergy. The Abrahamaic religions go one step further by commanding that there be no other gods.

From this commandment, as Thomas Jefferson so poignantly wrote, "Millions of innocent men, women, and children … have been burnt, tortured, fined, imprisoned."

Nobel laureate Steven Weinberg has concluded that all it takes for good people to do bad things is religion. Now you know why these atrocities occurred.

Gary Bennett, Emmett


Now, first of all, Gary Bennett writes letters regularly. Most are critical of religion or religious people, conservatism, patriotism, etc. He obviously has a burr under his saddle, and views "the root of all problems" far differently from me. Which is his prerogative.

How unfortunate to view religion as an impetus for carnage and misery. Bennett is definitely a "glass-half-empty" kind of guy. Maybe he had a bad personal experience with religion.

The Mountain Meadows Massacre of which he writes - perpetrated by Mormon settlers in southern Utah - has been debated for 150 years. Bennett describes it with authority, as though he is aware of facts that have escaped other historians for all that time. (I s'pose his "deluded, self-styled man of faith" is Brigham Young. Or it could be John D. Lee, a local Mormon who was tried and hanged for the incident.)

Incidentally, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued this statement on the anniversary of that tragic occasion: "We express profound regret for the massacre carried out in this valley 150 years ago today, and for the undue and untold suffering experienced by the victims then and by their relatives to the present time." (Delivered by Apostle Henry Eyring at the site of the massacre, where the Church has also erected a monument honoring the victims.)

Indeed, much evil has been perpetrated over the course of history by people who claim to be motivated by their religion. But in almost every case, upon closer inspection those people could also be accused of personal greed, or ambition, or lust for power and influence, and their "religion" is a smokescreen. The radical Islamofacists come immediately to mind (particularly on September 11th). Richard Butler - former leader of the Aryan Nations in northern Idaho - painted himself as a "Christian." What could be farther from the truth? Is it fair to condemn a billion Muslims because of bin Laden? Or all of Christianity on account of Butler's twisted behavior and philosophy?

One could also get a negative view of religion by looking at "Reverend" Fred Phelps and his band of followers who call themselves the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka. (How is it that he can call himself a Baptist? I'd think they'd disassociate themselves with the likes of Phelps.) In case you're not familiar, his group travels from place to place with brightly-colored signs reading "God hates Fags," and declares that anything bad that happens is God's punishment on society for our tolerance of homosexuals. They are well known for "demonstrating" at funerals for fallen soldiers, etc. (I s'pose he thinks we should round all the homosexuals up and gas 'em, like Hitler did to the Jews. Can you imagine Jesus Christ - the Prince of Peace - endorsing such a message?)

Yeah... people who claim to be religious don't always act religious.

Consider the good that has been done, and is currently being done, by people who are trying to be good Christians.

When disaster strikes, it's almost always religious organizations (and the Red Cross - a private organization), who are the first responders. They don't ask for anything in return. They're just trying to be good neighbors and citizens, and treat folks the way they would like to be treated.

Right here locally, religious people provide shelter for the homeless, clothes for the naked, food for the hungry, care for the needy. They visit people in prison. They create recreational and learning opportunities for children and youth. They seek out those who are hurting, or lonely. I heard about a group of folks - motivated by their religion - who visit the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital once a week to sing to the patients and lift their spirits. I know a group of women who devote every Monday morning to assembling essential supplies for disaster response - "humanitarian kits," they call them - for people they've never met, and will likely never meet.

Yeah... so much misery.

(As for religious adherents "turning off their minds" - that is an entirely different topic. But I can confidently declare that Mr. Bennett's view is distorted. Some of the smartest people I know are deeply religious. A thinking person has no problem reconciling scientific theory with religious belief. Exercising free will by participating in religion does not mean surrendering one's free will. It's difficult for skeptics and cynics to understand that concept.)

I take great satisfaction in being associated with people who are motivated by genuine religious charity, and can't help but feel a bit of pity for Mr. Bennett for his jaded viewpoint. (Although he may be the author of much good in his community; I hope he has such opportunities.)